Twits Affected Our Batting

I guess I should have seen it coming really. As captain I should be thinking a couple of steps ahead. For this I apologise to England supporters everywhere. It just wasn't on my radar.

The truth is that twitter is indicative of our batting at the moment. Quick. Sometimes inspired. Mostly irrelevant. I am as much to blame as anyone. I have been twittering over the last few weeks and look at my innings. They have been over before anyone can type, 'spilt drink on a glove'. KP has been at it too, even twittering from the field of play - which probably isn't strictly in the spirit of the game (I'll ask Ricky). Jimmy and Swanny are also telling anyone who cares to listen what music they are listening to on the journey into the ground.

And if we're not twittering ourselves we are certainly reading what other twits are saying. Jonathan 'Aggers' Agnew and David 'Bumble' Lloyd particularly. Cooky couldn't bear to be out of the changing room for five minutes for fear of missing something. His mind was all agog in the middle. Completely distracted from the job in hand because he was wondering whether Aggers had helped CMJ fix his new laptop yet and whether the mystery of David 'Davey-Boy' Gowers tie had been resolved. With that sort of gibberish in your mind it's hard to play straight down the ground.

It really is no surprise that Colly was the only one to last longer than 140 characters worth of time in the middle. He's still trapped in the age of the blog and hasn't set foot near a twit since Michael Atherton offered him some dirt from his pocket during the Twenty20 World Cup.

I am not stupid. I know full well that my captaincy has come under a bit of criticism from certain people in the last few days so it's about time I show how good I am. I've been having a think and this is what I have worked out. It would seem that the twitter mentality is suited to Twenty20. The blogging mentality is suited to ODI's. The book writing mentality is suited to a Test Match. Which in my mind seems to suggest that the Steve Waugh autobiography writing mentality is suited to an Ashes Test Series. (That is one long book - 72,183 pages if I remember correctly). So this week all the guys are going to start penning their own Steve Waugh biographies. Simple but brilliant. By the time we get to the 2021 Ashes we will be just about immovable.

Thanks for the support at Cardiff. Really appreciated. Especially from the Welsh.