Bonding Trip: Day One

I awoke early this morning in order to make the trip up to Birmingham. The chosen sixteen were told to meet outside HMV - in the Bullring - with our passports. All we knew is that we were going to embark on a bonding exercise. Naturally I was the first there. Swanny was next to arrive. Although I didn't recognise him in all his leather gear.

"What on earth are you dressed like, Graeme?" I asked.

"I thought I may as well come dressed ready for the occasion," he replied.

"What occasion?" I asked, confused.

"Our bondage session of course!"

"It's bonding, Graeme. Bonding." I took £50 out of my wallet, "H&M is over there, now go and buy yourself something slightly less kinky and certainly something less revealing. And I want change!"

Spinners! I hear Jim Laker was the same. It's disgusting.

Half an hour later we had all assembled and were being bored to death by Freddie going on about how he hit 93 from 41 balls last night. "It's Derbyshire mate, not Pakistan," said Andy 'Flowery' Flower, all of a sudden. That shut him up. Flowery then proceeded to hand out spare England ties. "These are not for your neck, they are to cover your eyes. All watch Monty while he shows you how to perfect the blind Rambo look." We all looked at Monty as Flowery threw him a tie. He misjudged it terribly and promptly dropped it down to level one. "He better not be playing this summer," I heard Broady mumble behind me. I back-heeled him in the shin. Bonding already.

"When you've got your ties on your head come over here and line up," said Flowery, marking out a line with a piece of chalk. "Then when I say 'Eddo Brandes' I want you all to pull your ties over your eyes. To make sure the press don't know where we are going, you aren't going to know either. I am mainly talking to you here KP. I don't want any News of the World exclusives again. Are we all ready? Okay. Eddo Brandes!"

I felt a nudge on my arm then the dulcet tones of Swanny, "Told you skip. Please can I room with you?"